ADVENTURES IN A TIN CAN: A whole lot of togetherness
When my Main Squeeze first came to Foreign Country to be with me, there was some apprehension on both sides: First, it would be a monumental move: halfway around the world to a completely new place. However, what really caused us both to worry was the fact that we had never spent that much time together.
When my Main Squeeze and I were dating in the US, he lived in a town about 90 minutes away from me. We saw each other about 3 days a week, when he'd drive down and spend one or two nights at my house. We loved spending time together, but I also loved being on my own, in my own space. I enjoy reading and being online and I need to be alone for those activities. I go to Zumba class, which is somewhere my Main Squeeze would never venture.
During my first year in Foreign Country, when my Main Squeeze was still living at home, I went to visit him during my winter and spring breaks, which were each two weeks long. When I was in the US, he spent the entire time with me in my house. We were testing the waters: how were we when we spent two weeks together, non-stop? Whaddaya know? We were great! We both enjoyed talking and we enjoyed each other's company. We would run errands together. He'd hang out at the table while I made dinner and share the day's news, then wash the dishes afterwards. We went to the movies and then out to eat and discuss the movie. We went to play Cards Against Humanity with a group of politically incorrect friends. At the end of my breaks, I would come back to Foreign Country, sad to leave my Main Squeeze behind.
So when we decided we missed each other too much to be apart, we both knew that if he came to Foreign Country, we'd be living together here. I have a touch of OCD, which he thought would be an issue. He has now discovered that just because I want the handles of the mugs to all face the front of the cabinets doesn't mean I actually wash the mugs right after we drink tea. My obsession is with organizing things, not cleaning them. I'm a bit of a slob with a touch of OCD.
When he had been in Foreign Country for 2 weeks and 1 day, I told him, "This is the longest we've ever been together!"
"Do you still love me?" he asked. I paused to consider.
"Yes! Yes, I do!"
In the end, we have found out that we live together quite well.
What does all of this have to do with the Tin Can?
Well...
When we planned our summer holiday and we were debating whether to do an 8-week road trip, one of our questions was: how will it be to travel in a small RV and be together 24/7 for 8 weeks? At home, I work a standard 40-hour week: That's 40+ hours that we're not together. At home, if we need some alone time, we have other rooms to go hide in. The Tin Can had 102 square feet. At home, we can both be on our computers so we can be together but not together-together. The Tin Can had no internet access (obviously), but also no electricity. And whaddaya know? All that togetherness didn't drive us crazy!
When we were driving to a destination, I would get my "alone" time in the passenger seat. My Main Squeeze is a good, calm driver who doesn't always need to talk and he doesn't listen to the radio. So if he wanted to talk, we would, but if he didn't, I would read or take a nap. Also, he spent some time at his dad's and since dad and dad's girlfriend only speak German (and I don't), I would read while they talked, or I would go to the Tin Can parked in dad's driveway, and read or write or nap. My Main Squeeze would always apologize for spending that much time with his dad and not with me, but I genuinely didn't mind. Actually, it's more than that: I enjoyed it. I needed it. It refueled me.
Our trip wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. We had cold, windy, rainy days, literally and figuratively. Apparently, I had the bad habit of falling asleep in the passenger seat when my Main Squeeze needed me to help him navigate. I admit that moving vehicles lull me to sleep, but if he would wake me up by saying "We're getting close to the exit we need to take," I didn't interpret that as meaning "I need you to help me navigate," so I would just say "Uh huh," and go back to sleep. Also, there was a lot of "What should we do?" "I don' know. What could we do?" "Well, that depends on what you want to do." "But what options do we have?"
The worst night we had was one I think of as The Night of the Thousand Mosquitoes. We were in a rather empty parking lot surrounded by fields with cows, near a ferry terminal. We had stayed there before and we liked that it was empty, so we had gone back. With not much around, the night was dark and as we snuggled under the covers, I heard the familiar, annoying sound that can keep me awake: bzzzzzzzzzzzzz A mosquito. I hate mosquitoes. Can they just suck my blood without buzzing in my ear? We had many nights that consisted of me literally slapping myself upside the head, trying to kill a mosquito. We lay in bed, trying to either ignore or kill the annoying insect. But then, I heard another buzz. Oh no... a second mosquito! Then another. And another! What was going on? Why did it sound like we were getting more mosquitoes? The windows and vents were closed. The Tin Can is certainly not hermetically sealed, but we had never had this happen. "What do we do?" I wailed? I hate mosquitoes. My Main Squeeze suggested we light a candle in the farthest corner of the Tin Can to get the mosquitoes away from us. I did that while he went to the bathroom. I got fully dressed - jeans, long-sleeve sweater, socks, and scarf - to avoid getting bitten by all the mosquitoes. With the candle lit, I could see a dozen mosquitoes flying around. I would swat at them with my flip flop and I managed to kill several of them, but the more mosquitoes I killed, the more seemed to materialize. Where were they coming from? Make it stop! I hate mosquitoes! My Main Squeeze came out of the bathroom to see me bundled up, frantically swatting mosquitoes with my flip flop and he said he wanted to check outside. I panicked. If we had this many mosquitoes inside, what would it be like outside? it was chilly outside. He thought perhaps the mosquitoes were coming in because it was much warmer inside the Tin Can than outside. He opened the door, slipped out quickly, and I closed the door behind him. 30 long seconds passed. He came back in. "Well?" I asked. He told me there weren't many mosquitoes outside. What?? He suggested we open the door and the windows to cool it off inside and get the mosquitoes out. What?? I couldn't believe this. Was he serious? I opened the door and I stepped outside, expected to be instantly consumed by hoards of blood-thirsty, buzzing mosquitoes. There was nothing. I climbed back inside and opened the windows, feeling a cold breeze come in and magically sweep the mosquitoes away. We snuggled back under the covers, fully dressed in the cold, windy Tin Can, but amazingly mosquito-free.
In a situation like that, with me freaking out over mosquitoes and my Main Squeeze trying to figure out how to deal with both a mosquito problem and a hysterical Halina problem, it would have been easy for that night to end in a fight. But instead, we both tried to solve a problem, realizing that this was something we neither initiated nor had any control over. Instead of going at each other, we went at the problem and found a way to make it through. Our relationship has had a number of challenges and we have tried to approach each one the same way: by focusing on the problem and working as a team. That seems rather basic, doesn't it? But I have not had relationships that worked like that in the past. There were relationships I had where I felt that my partner and I were adversaries. With my Main Squeeze, I have always felt like we're on the same team. Of course we annoy each other, but our relationship is not me-versus-him; it's us against whatever problem we are facing.
Our summer road trip taught us a lot about our relationship. In the US, my Main Squeeze had a bus he converted to an RV, which he sold when he was getting divorced. He says he would like to do that again - buy a bus and convert it to an RV - and he thinks I would be a good partner to travel with. Travel around the US in a converted bus with my Main Squeeze? YES! Please! That sounds like an awesome idea! I have always enthusiastically agreed, but it wasn't until this summer that my Main Squeeze realized that it's something we really could do. After all, we not only survived our 8-week road trip in a 102 square foot Tin Can, we enjoyed it!
Our whole lot of togetherness actually brought us closer together. Whaddaya know?
