Pardon my privilege
My name is Halina. I am willing to bet you have not met anyone else with that name. And my last name is also unusual and it won't give you much idea about my background. I am Mexican. My mami is Hispanic and my daddy, while Mexican, is of European descent (i.e. he's white). So I look neither too Hispanic nor too white. I grew up on the east coast of the United States and I don't have a noticeable accent in English. I have a Masters degree. I have traveled a lot. If you were to meet me, you would probably think I was an educated American woman with an unusual name.
When I was in college, I dated a Mexican American who had a Mexican name. EM was born and raised in the US, while I was still living in Mexico at the time. He had studied architecture in Texas and he would tell me stories about how some people treated him as less-than because of his name. I thought he was being melodramatic. Why would anyone treat him differently because of his name? He was American. Who cared what his name was?
I had obviously never heard of privilege.
When I moved to Foreign Country, one of the first friends I made was JAH, a Muslim from Southeast Asia. She looked Asian and she wore hijab. As we became closer and closer friends, I would ask her about Islam because she was the first Muslim friend I had that I felt comfortable enough to talk to about religion. After we had been friends for a few years, she began telling me of the difficulties she faced in different places because of the fact that she was a Muslim from Southeast Asia. Again, I wondered why that was an issue. Could it be that she was just too demure? That she didn't assert herself and therefore felt that people treated her without due respect? Why didn't she just stand up for herself more?
I had obviously still not heard about privilege.
A few of years ago, I invited an acquaintance, RV, to come watch a documentary with me at the local university. The documentary was about legal battles of some Mexicans living along the US border. As I was watching the film, all these feelings of "Why didn't they just...?" kept coming up again and again. But this time, I was aware of my own thoughts. After the documentary, RV and I went out for a bite to eat and we talked about the film. I told him how I recognized my own privilege, despite the fact that I was also Mexican, because of how I had felt about the people in the film. He seemed quite surprised by my forthrightness about my own privilege. To me, it simply seemed so obvious, I could've smacked myself on the head that I had never seen it before.
I did not choose my own name. My skin color comes from a combination of my parents. My accent in English and my education come from where I was raised in the US. I was not responsible for any of those things. And yet, each one helped me navigate through life in a much easier way than for the people in the documentary. I benefitted from privilege for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me. Which really defines privilege for just about anyone, doesn't it?
White American heterosexual men didn't choose to be born white, American, hetero, or male. But the simple fact that they are makes their lives that much easier. That automatically gives them 26 cents per hour more than a woman doing the same job with the same qualifications. The men didn't ask for that, but they benefit from it.
The concept of privilege is problematic. It causes discomfort and for good reason. Who wants to think that their lives are they way they are due to random facts of birth rather than their own hard work and dedication?
I went to graduate school. I worked hard and got really good grades. That sounds like something that I can attribute to my own diligence, right? But let's examine this a little bit more. I think I was able to get into graduate school because of the experience I had working with immigrants in a law office. I got that job because I happened to be bilingual. Being bilingual was not due to my hard work and dedication. I learned Spanish because I was born in Mexico. I learned English because I grew up in the US. I also think I got into graduate school because of my good grades in university. Was there any privilege at work there? I don't know. But I did well in university because I had had a good foundation to build on. The culture that I grew up in valued education and hard work. My parents, who are both professionals, instilled an appreciation for education and a love of learning. I didn't have to struggle to get into university.
While privilege occupies the same space as racism - it's the flip side of the same coin - I didn't make the connection between both concepts for a long time. I don't consider myself racist - I mean, who does? I have lived in different countries, with people of different religions, in different socioeconomic strata. In some places, people like me are the majority. In other places, I was a minority. And yet, in some places where I was a minority, I still benefited from privilege.
I had a boyfriend from Sri Lanka. I met him when I went for a vacation and I wound up going to Sri Lanka to spend time with him about 9 times in just over a year. I was obviously a tourist and he was obviously Sri Lankan. He was dark-skinned, slim, and handsome. Also, he was poor and had only finished an 8th grade education. I was treated like royalty in Sri Lanka and I was surprised to find out there were certain places he couldn't go to because he was a poor Sri Lankan. How was it that I, a visitor, had access to more places in his own country than he did? My white skin (and my foreign money) afforded me a privilege that made me uncomfortable at times.
I am still learning about how I can take advantage of the fortunate facts of my life in a way that helps others. I have read articles that explain how white people can use their privilege to help people of color in situations of racism. Reading these articles makes me squirm. I don't like the idea that a person of color could use my "help" simply because I look and sound like a white American woman. Who am I to "help" anyone? Why would they need my help? What kind of society do we live in where my voice counts more than theirs?
This is the world we live in. I want to educate myself so I can help dismantle this unfair division of us versus them, based on characteristics completely out of our control. I don't want my voice heard at the expense of others'. But perhaps I need to accept the idea that, since my voice is being heard, I can use that platform to tell others to be quiet long enough to listen to other voices.
